Today my friend asked me if I thought of myself as a good person. And while I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a bad person (I don’t kidnap children or wear fedoras), I don’t think I’m a totally good one either. I could be a lot better. I’m just kind of there. I’m like a bottle of expired store brand grape drink to Ellen DeGeneres’ breast cancer awareness Coca Cola.
I was selling movie tickets to a straight couple earlier and they started kissing as I read them our prices and then I accidentally said, “Ugh” into the mic.